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May 13, 2003 - 3:05 a.m.
sincerely, me

Dear Old Route 9,
I feel for you.
Love, Me.

Dear The Smithtown Library,
Why do you hate me so much? I love you, but i'll never get the job I deserve. You suck.
-Me

Dear Kara/Karan,
Why did you leave us alone at the diner. Do you not like us anymore? You never work when we are there, and when you do, we just don't share the same bond that we used to. You can forget about all of that extra tip money we used to leave you...you'll not see that again! And I don't think it's nice to introduce yourself under a different name.
-The Page

Dear Leo Ostebo,
Why do you horde all of the wonderful treasures of Kings Park in your little museum. You know the community despises you. That trashy website can not make you popular, I mean, you only update that section once a month! One day your polish friends will revolt and take over the place...watch out. I have some pieces of Kings Park history that you will never have! NEVER!!!
And no matter what your twisted mind may believe...KING S PARK is UNDER the Township of Smithtown. It is nothing great. It is no greater than Nesconset, or Smithtown itself. You are misinformed!
-Concerned SMITHTOWN resident.

Dear Manmohan K. Chawla,
We miss you at the Nesconset Branch. Ah-nome-ber will never be the same without you. We are going to get a new person transferred from Smithtown, and it will suck. You were cool, even if they didn't appreciate you. Even if it took 20 mins for you to look up a patron record, I valued your advice, and friendship in a place where clerks are supposed to hate pages.
-Brian

Dear Deer,
No matter what Kristen says... I don't want to ride you in any sick way.

To the girls who watched us scream Celine songs last night,
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO BE AS COOL AS US!!

Dear Kristen McDonough,
Why do you write these things much better than I do? You hav a talent, a gift, and a flair for writing. I think I answered my own question, so you don't have to reply. Just don't laugh at my pathetic attempts.
-Crazy Document