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December 25, 2004 - 4:31 a.m.
away in a manger

It's 4:31am. I can't sleep. It's Christmas Day.

If you didn't see.. go back and read my Christmas Eve journal entry.

I just can't sleep, and I dont know why! It's not because I'm anticipating anything great tomorrow. It's gonna be a fun family day, but I'm not supercharged with energy to open presents in the morning.

I used to be so excited for the morning, and yet somehow I managed to sleep! Now, I don't even care about waking up so early.. and I can't. Go figure.

I feel weird.. I wanna talk to someone, but I don't wanna wake anyone up.

I can't even explain. It's so weird.

Let me tell you about one of my favorite books of Christmas time from when I was little.

It was a "Happy Days Book", or something like that. A book with a yellow back cover with a picture of a sun on it, and some weird design in black. It was called "Away In A Manger", I think. The only words inside were the words to the song "Away In A Manger."

I can remember the cover of the book...it had the title written in a nice font, a purple sky, and bright stars shining above. The bottom half was a picture of the city of Bethlehem.

I can vividly remember the pictures inside. The lambs, the sheep, the shepards, the three wisemen. The Innskeeper, Baby Jesus, Joseph and Mary.

Why? Why do I have such a memory of this book? I only read it seasonally, and the last time I saw it was probably when I was in 1st grade..maybe 2nd. It was a little kiddy book. Why do I have the urge to go up to the attic, tomorrow morning, and find this book among a sea of books from when I was little.

I don't know.

"Away in a manger, no crib for his bed, the little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head. The stars in the sky look down where he lay, the little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay. The cattle are lowing, the poor baby wakes. The little Lord Jesus no crying he makes. I love the Lord Jesus, look down from the sky, and stay by my cradle till morning is nigh."

You know what else I remember.... I remember every year.. setting up the manger scene with my Grandma. Her 50-something year old manger, with the ceramic sheep with broken legs, and the chipped paint on the wisemen. I remember taking it out of the corrugated cardboard box that it came in. The same one she picked up off the shelf in whatever store she bought it in all those years ago. Inside were little boxes. Each figure wrapped carefully in tissue paper, and then placed in it's own thin cardboard box. I loved to take them out, unwrap them, and place them carefully on top of the piano, where we always displayed them. Then I'd take out the little manger, with the green grass-like roof.. and put some real Christmas Tree branches in the back, (small of course.. from when grandpa had some branches off the bottom to make the tree fit into the stand.) There was even a little light inside themanger. An orange bulb. I'd run to the basement and pick out and extension cord for it. I'd place the little Angel above the manger, and latch it on carefully. I'd hook it all up, and then stand back and look at the scene.

What a great memory. And I miss doing that. When did I stop? Maybe 5 years ago? Why don't I do that anymore? Am I too busy?

I don't know. That's really what it boils down to. I don't know why I'm awake at 4:57. I don't know how I'm gonna wake up at 10. (When I wanted to be up.) And I don't know why I am being so sentimental this Christmas. I feel like I want to know that Christmas is still as amazing to me as it was when I was little. And I want to know that it means the same thing to everyone I know, as it does to me on a certain level.

Well.. It's 5:00 now, and I need my sleep.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and hope the true meaning of Christmas is with you all as you celebrate with your families and other loved ones this year.

-Brian :)